The odds of anyone needing a carry gun are very close to zero. I carry as much as I can, these days you never know when/where/if you'll need it. I'd rather have the decision be up to me and not leave it up to some scumbag whether I live or die.I've had my MD permit for over a year now and my SC permit for over 6 years. I'm retired so I'm not traveling around much and I live in a relatively safe area. When I do go out I don't visit dangerous places. When I go to Baltimore I'm going to a ball game so no guns allowed there. If I go out to dinner, which I frequently do, I usually have an adult beverage so can't have a gun there. The odds of me needing a carry gun are very close to zero. If I would get in a situation where I needed one, the bad guy would probably already have the drop on me so I'm probably not going to reach for my piece with a gun pointed at me. Also I think it's hard to justify using a gun in defense at any more than "bad breath" distance. Plus what happens if you miss, or the bullet goes through the bad guy and hits an innocent? What happens if another person with a firearm (police?) mistakes you for the bad guy because you're standing there with a gun in your hand? I would think twice about using a gun to defend someone other than my wife or myself due to recent situations where the good guy gets arrested for preventing the perp from carrying out his crime. It's also a pita to carry anyway. My smallest gun is a Ruger LCP Max which is about as small as it gets and its still not as comfortable as carrying nothing. There is a lot that can go wrong when you use use a gun and not much that can go right. For me, the odds against outweigh the odds for a carry gun. I'll keep my permits but I think I'll be carrying much less now. Anyone else disillusioned about carrying after years of fighting to get a permit?
Honestly it sounds like you're have too many "what ifs" and aren't very comfortable with carrying, not everyone is. That's perfectly ok, better to admit that to yourself now than get into a bad situation.